Book Review :Reminders of him by Colleen Hoover

Hey beloved, How are you and how is your heart? here’s a book review that has been in my draft for months now, I hope it resonates with you just as much as it did with me ❤️

Losing someone you love is gruesome and horrifying, the pain indescribable, emotions understood only by those who’ve throded a similar path. It leaves you shattered as you go through the different phases of grief in no particular order, coming out of the small end of the horn seeming almost impossible, your emotions wrecked, scenes replaying, asking how?? why?? did it really have to be now? holding onto the memories in your heart, seeking closure. 

But what happens when you’re not allowed to grief properly, when words are fired, emotions battered and you’re left vulnerable. Like daggers in the heart, your intentions misunderstood, labelled a killer of the man you loved, the man you looked forward to spending forever with, the man due to which you looked forward to brighter days, because of whom you begin to believe in God and humanity, what happens when you’re labelled the killer of the very person who gave you a reason to live, the father of your child. Do you seek to clear your name, mourn your loved one or do you cling onto the rickety rope of hope as you sit on gun powder? 

To read a Colleen Hoover’s book is to journey through different emotions, peregrinate another person story, feeling every emotion, raw  and unfiltered, marinating different lives, putting on different hats, crying, healing and forgiving. Colleen Hoover’s book serves both as a communal trauma and a guide to mass healing.  Colleen Hoover, A  Newyork times bestselling author, whose write ups mostly centre on young adult fiction and romance never disappoints and her most recently released book “reminders of him” is an attestation to that. 

A child’s Mental health is often overlooked, we tend to believe that child would forget, time would heal those wounds and he’d turn out fine, i've learnt that time heals no wounds, it simply teaches us to live with the wounds and scars are left as a reminder of that pain all it takes is a simple slash on the same spot and we come undone, experiencing pain worse than what we first felt. Untreated childhood wounds runs deep, it’s aftermath affecting every life attached to yours, This book delves into the importance of healing your inner child, the danger of a single story and our never ending quest for happiness

Our mental health affects how we react to situations, how we respond to the happenings around us and this is portrayed in the decisions taken by the different characters in this book, Not every unremorseful response to a crime is coming from a place of lack of guilt, sometimes  one can be too weak to respond properly, broken physically mentally and emotionally. Too drained to make a decision, and our response in a time of shock does not make us “Unremorseful, Uninvolved, Uncaring and  Unworthy.”

This books shines into the intricacies of humanity, I’ve always believed there’s nothing like A good or bad person. No one has the monopoly of good or bad attributes, we’re just humans capable of good and bad and we are neither defined by our good or bad deeds noour worst or best actions/ decisions does not define us.Ignorance they say is bliss but sometimes our ignorance makes us villains and we become the worse version of ourselves, enablers of everything we advocate against, this book further reaffirms that being a victim and a villain at the same time isn’t mutually exclusive and most times to really do justice we need to see from a different lense, both sides of the coins can be right.

Life gives only one chance but In this book we’re made to understand that lives gives second  chances too and all we need to do is search deeper, look from a optimistic angle and not a pessimistic one and accept it in good faith, understanding that happiness isn’t a state of being, it’s transient, it’s not a destination, it’s a journey, a never ending one, it’s not a badge given at a grand finale but rather the stir that occurs during the race, my favourite line from the book says “happiness isn’t some permanent thing we’re all trying to achieve in life, it’s merely a thing that shows up every now and then, sometimes in tiny doses that are just substantial enough to keep us going”.

This book made me view prison from a different view, prior to reading it I never felt there was any difference between how a man and a woman inmate are treated. For so many years women have fought against sexism, against patriarchal norms and oppression of women due to internalised misogyny of institutions. Yes both male  and female inmates face some level of stigma but when it comes to being a female inmate it runs deeper, as said in the book  “There’s a double standard for women, even behind bars. When women say they’ve been to prison, people think trash, whore, addict, thief. But when men say they’ve been to prison, people add badges of honour to the negative thoughts, like trash but badass, addict but tough, thief but impressive. There’s still a stigma with the men, but the women never get out with stigmas and badges of honour.” And this left me in deep introspection about how we ensnare Inmates, we define a human's entire life by his worst decisions, neither  understanding the gravity of the situation nor putting ourselves in their shoes. No matter how hard they try, we keep them back to the same place they left. 

This book is a story of  resilience , changing narratives, telling our truths regardless , it teaches the power of conversations and perspectives. A woman authoring a new chapter after spending her early twenties serving jail terms, healing postpartum with her hands bare, going through the pains of labour without as little as being allowed to give your child its first milk, soaking in her own misery while being labelled misunderstood and misjudged by a single story, a story of finding love once again, giving happiness another chance, healing, fighting back  for everything she lost, her child and her rights understanding that just like Amanda Gorman says “quiet isn't always peace, and the norms and notions of what "just" is isn't always justice”

The relationships in this book were depicted in the most humane way possible, each an entity on its own yet still leaning on the other with hope and love, basking in the true beauty of relationships, the power of resilience, the ability to forge through, despite the deforming force and pressure. All it takes to end a long night is the first glimmer of dawn, Illustrating the devastation of abuse, the mightiness of love, the danger of a single story and the strength and resilience of survivors, this book says to survivors of violence around the world, you are worthy, you have a right to heal and start a new life ,you are deserving of everything good and beautiful and on behalf of the world we are apologizing  and thanking you

Sorry 

Thank you 

Sorry 

Thank you

Sorry  

You are amazing, you are light and we hope you never stop speaking your truth and telling your side of the story .